Overcoming Pornography ... by Russ Beck

Last time we discussed the ravages of pornography upon the individual, family, and society. Now let’s take a look at ways of overcoming this insidious vice.

Have you ever tried to lose weight? I know when I decide to lose a few pounds, I immediately start to fixate upon food. Ice cream, cake, breads, mashed potatoes, and tons of other delicious treats become the focus of my thoughts. The moment I decide to force my will and overcome eating, I find I can think of nothing else but eating. This holds true for any habit we want to end. Smoking for example is one of the most difficult addictions to defeat. People would rather give up food than give up their cigarettes. So, what are we to do?

Ask Why
The very first thing to do is look inside and figure out why there needs to be a change. What is the motivation for change ... becoming a better person, saving the marriage, being a better father or mother, son or daughter? Is the motivation that's chosen strong enough to help overcome the whirlpool of temptation which will assuredly come?

Find a Reason
In my experience, the greatest motivation is "other" oriented. Attempting to accomplish any task for the purpose of another person or for a cause almost always gives added strength to the resolution to change.

I know a man who managed to quit smoking because he didn’t want his infant son to grow up and become a smoker. In times of stress or temptation, he was able to focus upon this righteous desire, look at his son, and receive added strength to overcome this powerful addiction. Ultimately, he did quit smoking and hasn’t smoked for over 30 years.

Being a part of a larger purpose gives the strength to overcome. Indeed, this is true in war. Those units which had a greater sense of brotherhood, fought harder. People are always willing to give more of themselves when it means helping others they care about deeply.

While examining the reasons for quitting pornography, it helps to recognize how much it hurts loved ones. Those selling the filth of lust often peddle the belief that it doesn’t hurt anyone and is victimless. This is a great lie. Everyone is hurt by pornography. Those who suffer the most are immediate family members.

When considering the reasons for change, it's beneficial to reflect upon not only the behaviors to change, but also new behaviors to acquire to replace the old ones that are bound to pornography . Change is ever occurring, so thoughtfully consider life's current direction and where it will end up. Mentally ask, "Is this the person I want to be?"

Use Visualization
The best process for change is visualization. This means seeing one's self in the future as a person who does not view pornography. Picture the details of what this person does instead of watching pornography. Imagine even small details to the picture. How does he go about his day and how does he treat people?

Crystallize the view of that new self until that presence can be felt within. Do this every day, several times a day. Start living life as this person and soon, the necessary changes will be within reach and then, accomplished. Mentally rehearse how this "new you" would respond to temptations and consider how to better occupy time instead of spending it viewing pornography. The more detailed the visualizations are, the better equipped the mind is to handle the temptations when they occur.

Additionally, become re-involved with family. Spend time walking, talking, playing games, and loving the people that matter the most. In this lies a hidden strength that will generate great power in overcoming the longing to view pornography.

Monitor Your Monitor
To help with re-focusing on family, place a meaningful photo of loved ones next to the computer monitor. Listen to uplifting music, and never use the computer in a closed room. At night, if unable to sleep, go and read from a good book until sleep comes along rather than going to the computer in the dark.

I once had a client who read the Old Testament when he couldn't sleep. He found that he quickly became sleepy and returned to bed.

The process of change takes time but by consistent and persistent effort, success will happen! The key lies in proper motivation, visualization, and monitoring your monitor.

It has been said that life is not a process of having and getting, but of being and becoming. Always try to become the best person you can be.

Until next time …

~ Russ

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Something Wicked This Way Comes ... by Russ Beck

By the pricking of my thumbs,
something wicked this way comes.
Macbeth Act 4, scene 1



There is an oft-told story of a clever fox who sold fat, juicy worms to a bird. The cost was only a feather. At the beginning, it wasn't difficult for the bird to find a loose, unimportant feather to give in payment. Over time, however, the desire to find worms for himself lessened. He eventually lost the keen knack of treading lightly upon the ground and cocking his head just right, in order to see and hear the slight movement which revealed the presence of a worm. Instead, he continued to pay the price to the fox. Eventually, the bird ended up looking molted, with only primary flying feathers remaining. Upon pulling out a particularly painful and necessary feather, the bird lost the ability to fly. Then, the fox proceeded to eat him.

There is a similar situation in our society today, and its name is pornography. It's a pernicious, nefarious activity with deadly consequences, offering simple pleasure with just a mouse click or two and existing under the guise of not really harming anyone.

Thomas Jefferson said, “Do not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it.” Truly, sitting just under the surface of pornographic pleasure lie many deadly hooks and barbs waiting to ensnare those who dare to enter its temping allure. Below are some of the consequences exacted by those who delve into the fetid arena of pornography.

Loss of Self-esteem
The overall appraisal of self and the resulting feelings of worth are called self-esteem. Becoming involved in a degrading behavior that elicits secretive conduct and runs counter to one's moral compass causes self-confidence to wane. Low self-esteem will show its effects in multiple areas of life. A common symptom is depression and feelings of worthlessness.

Loss of Sensitivity to Lovely Things
Just as hard physical labor can cause calluses to form on the hands, a constant bombardment of pornographic material will create spiritual calluses. This is a result of selfishness. The ability to look upon innocence is dulled as the mind surrenders to more vulgar appetites.

Loss of Compassion for Others
Another direct result of pornography is the practice of thinking more of personal wants and desires than the needs of others, even loved ones. Engaging in this practice too long creates a hard personality wherein satisfying one's appetite is all important.

Loss of Patience
As self-esteem declines, an individual involved in pornography becomes overly sensitive to perceived criticism and is easily irritated. Attitudes take on a paranoid flavor and there is increasingly less time and concern for others. Even innocent comments made in jest by family members are met with a harsh over-reaction. This explosion of temper causes undeserved, hurt feelings for family and friends.

Loss of Trust
The great keystone of any relationship is trust. It has been rightly said that it is better to be trusted than to be loved. Someone who is trusted is loved, but it is sadly true that it is possible to love someone that can't be trusted. When a peruser of pornography is caught, it marks the destruction of confidence and reliance in that individual. From that point on, all actions become suspect. The process of re-establishing trust is a long and difficult task. It can be done, but it is significantly better to not destroy the confidence of a spouse and family members.

Loss of Family
The ultimate tragedy is the dissolution of the family. Sometimes the loss of trust, coupled with the other symptomatic responses to involvement with pornography, result in divorce and the end of the family. Also, viewing pornography naturally leads one to fantasizing about sexual dalliances, and what the mind thinks on, the body acts upon. How many people would play Russian roulette with a spouse or child? None that have any common sense! Yet, exposure to this evil is just as deadly and carries consequences which may affect future generations.

Is pornography really a victimless endeavor? It is not. The list of those injured is long. It is a modern day plague upon our society and especially upon families. The old saying of playing with fire doesn’t quite seem adequate. Perhaps it truly is more like playing Russian roulette, only with a fully loaded gun!

Just as the witches in Macbeth were able to see "something wicked this way comes," it's easy to see that the wicked vice consuming our society is pornography. The question often asked is, "What can those who are ensnared do to free themselves?" The road isn't easy, but it can be done, and I'll discuss a few thoughts on that in an upcoming article.

Until then …

~ Russ

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This article sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.



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